February 2nd, 2008: Johan Santana is traded by the New York Mets to the Minnesota Twins in what turned out to be a lopsided trade.

September 21st, 2010: The two teams that were involved in that trade were involved in elimination games ... one team clinched, the other was eliminated from post-season contention.

That the team that got the better end of the Johan Santana deal was the one that was eliminated, and the one that has been eliminated in Game 162 last season and has had two horrid seasons since, while the team that got the short end of that stick was the one that clinched their second division title in the three seasons since that trade shows you all you need to know about how a good organization operates, and how a bad one operates.  That it isn't obvious to certain people who run the Mets scares the ever loving crap out of me.

But at least it's nice to know that Joe Torre apologized to Snoop Manuel for talking about his job that he still has in name only.  Well that's just great that everyone is getting along.  I love you, you love me, one big happy family and all that crap.  I only have one question about the whole thing because it's nonsense, but how on this earth can Snoop publicly question Joe Torre's integrity about something he said when Snoop hadn't even bothered to read what the hell was said by Torre to make Snoop question his integrity?  On what planet does that make sense?

But whether Torre was wrong for answering a question about the Mets job or whether Snoop was hypocritical in blasting Torre while Willie Randolph had the same issues with Snoop back in 2008, the simple fact remains thus:  The Mets suck donkey testicles and all things relating to donkey testicles.  And Drew Butera (pictured above) has more beer showers than the guy he was traded for, one Luis Castillo. So none of that other garbage really matters, does it ...

And if you're waiting for Kevin Towers to ride in on his white horse and save the day as the Mets next GM, forget it.  He's going to Arizona to work some sort of magic which involves trading Aaron Heilman back to the Mets for a 12-year-old batboy who will grow up to be the next Albert Pujols.  I never thought it would make a difference if the Mets had axed Snoop and Omar Minaya in July or August, but now I see where the difference could be: The Snakes didn't have to worry about offending interim GM's or managers, so they could go talk to and hire whoever they want.  The Mets, meanwhile, remain in the discussion phase possibly to avoid awkward situations such as people like Joe Torre discussing jobs that aren't vacant.  And by the time the deed is actually done, all the good candidates will probably be gone.

Oh, and now that the math is official, don't forget to buy your greeting cards, decorate the house with tinsel, and take advantage of the department stores marking down their items for the big Apology Day celebration.

Hey, the Mets did something right today and shut down Bobby Parnell for the season with elbow inflammation.  Last season, the fans knew relievers were hurt before the team did (J.J. Putz).  Now, it's the other way around, and the Mets aren't taking any chances.  Again ... progress.  We should give Jeff Wilpon a monument for this ... perhaps even one that you can see from outer space.  But a "Prevention and Recovery" sign over a urinal should do just fine.

Problem now is ... with Johan Santana gone, Dillon Gee and Jon Niese building up unnecessary innings, Parnell out, and Sean Green merely existing, who the hell is going to pitch the rest of the way?  Oh wait, the Mets have just announced that Oliver Perez will pitch every inning of every game the rest of the season.  The rest of the staff is off to Barbados to have drinks with umbrellas in them.  Perez being overused the final two weeks of the season should be good practice for you to get used to in case Joe Torre comes to manage the Mets and burns out every arm in the bullpen.

(This just in: Pedro Feliciano has developed soreness in his pitching elbow.  The club thinks this is related to the very thought of Torre managing the Mets.)

Oh, and there's big changes afoot as the Mets look at trading a guy who has played 58 games this season for a guy who has played 18 games this season.  Why? So Parnell and Johan Santana can have company at extended spring training?  So much for progress.

Well, here's why 2010 is better than 2009:

In 2009, the Mets were mathematically eliminated in the highly visible and ironic fashion of losing to, of all people, Pedro Martinez.  Like two to the back of the head.

In 2010, there is every possibility that the Mets will be eliminated from the playoffs without even being on the field, as Monday is an off-day, and a Braves victory over the Phillies would officially end the Mets hopes to play meaningful games in October.  It's more like lethal yet humane injection.  That, my friends, is progress.

So what, the Mets can't spoil the Braves playoff chances.  Think of it this way: By being swept by Atlanta, they're sure as hell spoiling things for the Padres and Rockies in the wild card, right?  Best ... spoilers ... ever.

And by the way,  Derrek Lee has as many second deck home runs in nine games at Citi Field than Jason Bay has any deck home runs in 44.

"It was his Kirk Gibson moment." -Tim Hudson

Sure, if you ignore the fact that the Mets spent 148 games making sure this moment will be meaningless in the grand scheme of things, and lost game 149 where this happened.  But just as Felix Hernandez shouldn't be penalized out of the Cy Young running because his team is terrible, Luis Hernandez shouldn't be cheated out of being compared to Kirk Gibson just because Luis' team is mediocre at best.  Guy hits a home run with a broken foot ... impressive if you ask me.  Gibson hit a home run with two bad knees.  Bobby Baun once won a Stanley Cup game on a broken leg.  And now, Luis Hernandez homers on a broken foot in a meaningless game against Atlanta.  It happens in threes.

But once again, I gotta be the one to ask the question:

What, exactly, was the point of the ankle protector?  It didn't protect him!  The ball that was fouled off broke a bone the foot that had protective gear on it.  How in the world does this happen?  It happens because this is the Mets we're talking about.  But good for Luis Hernandez to overcome that stroke of awful Mets luck to create the most special meaningless moment of the 2010 season.  Too bad we might never see Hernandez again with the Mets, but if that's the case then what a way to go out.

However, Luis Castillo should stop smiling.  There are still about 18 second basemen in the Mets system, in addition to about 16 shortstops, 19 third basemen, and a gajillion outfielders (and three catchers) that will play second for the Mets before Castillo sees the field again in a Mets uniform.

This is the front car of the train stuck at 74th street after two tornadoes and a microburst (see what you learn watching weather reports) hit Queens and Brooklyn.  As the weather was wrecking havoc, I couldn't help but notice the irony.  I never made it to Citi Field on Thursday.  And neither did 1986 ... which has seemed to be as far away as 74th street for about three years now.

Considering what happened to other people's homes and lives on Thursday, a two and a half hour trip that was supposed to be to a ballgame but turned out to be a trip to nowhere doesn't seem so bad ... even when you throw in the 24 hours without working internet. (By the way, the first thing I saw when the cable came back?  Sean Green on the mound.  I immediately threw my cable box out the window and blamed the tornado.)  But that it was my last set of tickets to Citi Field for 2010, there was a small bit of downer.  I mean, yeah the season sucked.  But to prepare to say good-bye for the year and then never get a chance to threw me off.  You prepare to spend nine innings saying good-bye until you realize that all the roads are jammed and you can't do it ... and then all of a sudden your last memory of 2010 is Jon Niese getting crushed by the Marlins ... that's a jolt.

(And before you remind me that I could use the tickets to go to the Brewers series ... no I can't.)

But I think of it this way: If I had gone, the Mets would have lost (Rationalization: pass it on), and Kevin Mitchell would have come to the park to beat me up (concussions in golf is a growing problem, apparently).  It would have been the closest to 1986 that Citi Field has ever seen. 

How do I know all this?  K-Rod texted it to me.

Friday of course was the day we all realized that life is much tougher when your opponents don't come from Pittsburgh.  Maybe the Braves didn't bother to drink so much on the trip in, as the other day ESPN personality Colin Cowherdcredited the Mets great home record to the fact that opponents like to drink and screw and take their wives to Tiffany's while they're in New York (not necessarily in that order) on his radio show.  Of course that doesn't explain why the Tigers (Detroit), Rangers (Arlington), and Athletics (Oakland) are a combined 55 games over .500 at home, but who needs variables with this kind of research, right?  (I guess there are bars and beds everywhere.)  Besides, we all know it was the sign stealing.  Right, Charlie?

Or maybe the Braves just don't drink on holy holidays.

So I'm just going to come out and say it: Yeah, it's a three game winning streak.  First in about three months.  It might be the sorriest three game winning streak in major league history.

Of course the last three game win streak happened when the Mets won eight straight in June while sweeping powerhouses Baltimore (pre-Showalter) and Cleveland (pre-whoever is going to replace Manny Acta.)  But taking three from the Pirates, with a 1-0 game which threatened to be the first game ever to be decided by negative runs, and Wednesday's 8-7 win which Jenrry Mejia was injured (this really starting to get ridiculous now ... I mean when is Jeff Gillooly going to come out and smack Ike Davis with a crobar and get it over with), and where the Pirates decided to treat the ball like it was a hot potato ... with diseases.  This wasn't even taking candy from a baby, because the Mets would have problems with that.  This is the baby dropping the blow pop on their shoes and then projectile vominting on their pant leg.  That's what Wednesday was.

Let's be real about this ... Paul Maholm came into the game on a stretch of 1-7 ... and that's not a "wins are overrated" 1-7, that's a 1-7 with an ERA of 8.22.  The Mets, yes even the Mets, should hit him.  And tomorrow they should hit a chap named Charlie Morton, who is 1-11, 9.05 ERA.  That's a run per inning for you math majors.  But they aren't going to and I'll tell you why:

Because I'm going to the game.  That's right, Schlep Rock himself is making his final appearance at Citi Field for 2010.  And Citi Field is reportedly relieved.  You see, the highlights of the Mets series against Pittsburgh for me were the team letting everyone move down to behind the dugouts on Monday, and Keith Hernandez touring the stadium on Wednesday with his first stop being the top of the 500 level.  Will I get to move down to the dugout level from my 500 level seats?  No.  Will Keith come up to me, get my attention, and shake my hand?  No.  Instead I'll get Keith Joblo yelling at me to do the wave for five innings, and I'll see Charlie Morton throw a five-hitter because I suck.

By the way, I'm glad that Carlos Beltran is hitting over .300 this month and starting to look a little like Willie Mays ... because Beltran in the field is starting to look like Mays from 1973.  The ball that went off Beltran's glove would have been caught last year, or without Brutus the Brace.  Instead of making a difficult play look easy, he made a difficult play look like exiting the bar after a bender.  It's gotta be frustrating to continue to move like lightning in your mind while not matching that speed due to a surgically repaired knee.  (Stupid team and their stupid training staff.)  At least the brace isn't going to keep Beltran from being in the 2010 team picture.

Oh, and apropos of nothing, but if Mets prospect Cesar Puello can learn English in a year and be interviewed by Kevin Burkhardt on SNY, then why did Manny Ramirez, of Washington Heights, need a translator?  I know that was two weeks ago but can I retroactively call Manny a doosh-head for that, given recent evidence?

Doosh-head?  Maybe I'm the one that needs to learn English.

Uh oh, another restraining order blown.

They say that hitting is contagious.  If that's the case, then not scoring is communicable.  There's no doubt that Frenchy passed the affliction to Jets cornerback Kyle Wilson with either that jersey or that football ... and he must have shared a soda can with a member of the Jets offense leaving the disease in remission until ... well, Monday night.

The first Met with his infected bat that goes near Nick Folk I'll take care of personally.

"Even though everybody’s kind of interested in the Jets game, I do what I can do for the baseball."-Hisanori Takahashi

Yeah, the Mets were up to their old tricks on Monday as well as the club reached that ever popular point of the season where they decide to let the fans in attendance move to the lower levels.  That's always a proud moment in a season where the club resorts to desperate moments by letting fans move to the good seats to save face on television.  (The Nets did that and they were 12-70.)  At least there were some other sporting events going on that the Mets could fall back on so as not to tell themselves that the terrible attendance was due to the fact that the Mets are slightly less entertaining than watching a C-SPAN Halloween marathon ... or Yule Log.

But the point in the game that I can take solace in, and will help me sleep another night, was that the Mets were kind enough not to be embarrassed by losing to Chan Ho Park in extra innings.  Thanks team, for small miracles.

The Phillies two aces showed why they are aces against the Mets this weekend.

The Mets ace, meanwhile, will no doubt require a type of shoulder surgery that hasn't been invented by modern medicine yet.

Yeah, the future looks bright as Roy Oswalt came into Citi Field and lulled the Mets to sleep.  You realize if Oswalt was traded to the Mets his ERA would skyrocket to eithg and he'd be on the other side of the curtain in Johan's hospital room by now.

You know it's been a great season for the Mets when a guy who believes that people can alter the weather and will eventually blast into space feels sorry for them.  Although I shouldn't talk ... I'll probably spend the entire 2011 season looking for a ticket to gain admission to Darren Daulton's spaceship on eBay so I don't have to watch this dead carcass go through another hopeless freakin' season.  I hear timeshares on Jupiter are pretty cheap.

I suppose I might be reading too much into the whole Mike Pelfrey back turned to Snoop thing when Snoop took him out of the gem he pitched.  Maybe Pelfrey was angry that Snoop called him an "enigma".  But with such a good game after such a bad game, it would seem that all Pelfrey did on Saturday was ...

wait for it ...

prove Snoop right.

I know, it doesn't happen very often so it's a lot to take in, so if you need to take a moment to breathe, feel free to do so.  You look at Pelfrey's stats for the season, (14-9, 3.89) you think "Okay, nice season."  But the enigma part is those games he loses where he gives up a million singles contrasted against the games where he makes the hitters pound the ground repeatedly.  But calling Pelfrey an "enigma" means a little bit more because Pelf has had that looney tune tag put on him.  And when enigma is paired with "la-la land", well that's like the Bonnie and Clyde of mental health ... it's not a good tag.  Hell, I'd probably be sensitive too.

Maybe if Snoop asks Pelfrey why he had his back turned he can say something like "Oh, were you standing there?  I didn't see you all the way from la-la land."  Because sarcasm is always an effective and healthy way to work out your issues with other people.  I think I saw that on Dr. Phil.

Oh, and did you see the one where Frenchy had a game winning RBI against Mariano Rivera?

Yeah, I said home run and playoffs, but Saturday night was probably as close as we're going to get.  And the fact that it was a hit-by-pitch with the bases loaded just furthers the legend of "taking one for the team" and "good clubhouse guy" ... a HBP, more than a home run, just drips with "Frenchy Goodness", doesn't it?  Those Frenchy BBQ joints aren't far away.

Hell, I'm still trying to figure out how not only Rivera blew a game with a bases loaded hit-by-pitch, but how Frenchy resisted the temptation to swing at the pitch that hit him.