Dealing in Fiction
Remember when the Mets couldn't strike a deal where they would have gotten Brandon Phillips, Bronson Arroyo, and Chris Heise for Luis Castillo, Oliver Perez, and three bits of string? Boy would that have really helped on a night where Phillips drove in two runs and played great defense, Arroyo shut the Mets down again, and Heise hit a home run and whose fielding was reminiscent of Endy Chavez, Mike Cameron, and Joel Youngblood all at once? I just can't believe that Omar Minaya couldn't get this deal done! Who cares if part of it was mere rumor and the rest was fiction conjured up by me five minutes ago ... the Mets lost on Wednesday because Omar couldn't get this done in spring training! I want him fired now!!! And I want Josh Byrnes, Pat Gillick, and Frank Cashen behind the desk now because the three of them could get a Cliff Lee for John Maine deal done in like five minutes!!!
Besides, Omar only knows how to trade away Cliff Lee!
And I want this announced on a five hour ESPN special where the announcement is made by Jeff Wilpon in a rented house in Greenwich to air at 3AM sponsored by Subway, with a live remote by Bobby Bonilla from the Bronx talking about the financial ramifications of firing Minaya and hiring three GM's who he promises to show the Bronx after they trade Omir Santos for Albert Pujols. Hell, Bonilla's on the payroll, let him earn his keep. Or fire him too.
Also, I want a live report from Buffalo with Perez, where he'll announce that he's signing with the Clippers.
The other four hours can be Bonilla challenging fans on the street to a marathon edition of Beer Money. That, and asking Snoop why Alex Cora was a better option as the winning run than Jeff Francoeur with two outs in the ninth. Yeah, I'd spend four hours watching that. (Don't worry, Frenchy will be fresh for Friday as he'll be resting on the on-deck circle for two whole days! Now that's strategery.)
By the way, I'm obligated to tell you that Sunday is Jason Bay bobblehead day. It's an interactive bobblehead too ... if you throw it a piece of tin foil, it'll pop it up right to your other bobbleheads. Works well if you have a Joey Votto bobblehead.
