I searched back into baseball-refence.com to find the complete number of times that Johan Santana had victories snatched from him by sub-par efforts by the Mets bullpen since his arrival in 2008. I searched through looking for all the times Santana left the game with the lead and came away with a no-decision. The number I came up with: three. I found three games where the Mets bullpen cost Johan Santana a victory since 2008.

Of course, I only got to three before I started sobbing uncontrollably. Unfortunately, there's no metric or variable to account for my bawling. So suffice it to say that Johan Santana has been robbed of a truck load of victories as a New York Met at the hands of the burglars of the bullpen. They did it again on Wednesday as the Mets dropped their second in a row, this one to the Reds by a score of 6-3. The culprit this time was Jon Rauch, who was good all season but came in the game in the eighth and gave up hits to Drew Stubbs, Joey Votto, and Brandon Phillips. Then, after Tim Byrdak got Jay Bruce to fly out deep to right to drive in the go-ahead run, D.J. Carrasco game in to a game which was still winnable and made it much less so by giving up an absolute bomb to a guy named Todd Frazier. Frazier, who grew up in Tom's River, NJ, no doubt dreamed that one day he would destroy the hopes of the local team. And with his two home runs, he did.  As for Carrasco, after he gave up Frazier's bomb, Gary Cohen discussed the Mets career of Carrasco as if it was already over ... quote:

"His tenure as a Met has accomplished ... nothing."

Cohen must have known something, because after the game Carrasco was designated for getting the hell out of our sights forever and ever assignment in favor of Robert Carson. Carson will provide a second lefty in the bullpen, which of course would have helped the hell out of Wednesdays game if he had been around to keep Rauch from facing Joey Votto, and still having Tim Byrdak available to face Jay Bruce. But of course, that's hindsight. Robert Carson could give up a double to Joey Votto just as easily as Rauch did. (Votto hits pitchers of all arms.) The fault, ultimately, lies with Rauch for not getting the job done, as he has already plainly admitted. As for Carrasco, his Mets tenure really has accomplished nothing. And it lasted one game too long. I'm reasonably sure that his skills will be in demand on the Citi Field mound once again. But don't worry, the skills that Citi Field would want and demand from him wouldn't be until the home run derby at the 2013 All-Star game.

Let's just get straight to the good stuff, because talking about an 8-0 loss and two home runs by Travis Ishikawa is just straight depressing.

So in the top of the seventh, D.J. Carrasco comes into the game and gives up a bomb to Rickie Weeks. With the next pitch he plunks N.L. MVP Ryan Braun, and home plate ump Gary Darling immediately tosses Carrasco out of the game. Now at the time I'm thinking, why would Darling immediately toss Carrasco without a warning to the benches? Now sure, it seems on the surface to be suspiciously like retaliation for Weeks' home run. But these are the New York Mets, who over the last seven years have passed up legitimate opportunities to plunk guys. Why would a Mets pitcher plunk a guy for a stupid reason? Those who read my nonsense regularly know that I'm all for a Mets pitcher hitting a guy to protect a teammate or to send a message to a particular player for being an all-out douche bag (I'm looking at you, Shane). But hitting Braun was so ridiculous that it couldn't have been on purpose. It had to be a pitch that just got away. I mean Carrasco stinks, right? A pitch getting away from him? Sure sounds plausible to me.

But ... 

The trick to navigating life is perception. For example, you might think Miguel Batista is old, but Jamie Moyer wants Batista off his lawn.

So did the Brewers. But they only got four hits off him in seven innings, so maybe get some more hits off him if you want him off the lawn sooner. (Age ain't nothin' but a number.) Batista led the Mets to a 3-1 victory in which Frank Francisco came back to Citi Field to the soundtrack of boos and got his ninth save of the season. A "save", mind you, which included two hits, a run, and a walk. But he technically saved the day. I don't know if Francisco can call this a bounce back, and I don't know if he feels better. I know I do ... but I just took a ton of morpheme.

In other words, Frank did nothing to dispel the notion that you shouldn't trust anybody with two first names, especially when it's the same damn name. Sure, they could be in two different languages. But whether he's Frank Francisco, Franz Francois, or Frantisek Freakin Francho, I don't trust the guy. Here's infallible proof: "Frank", in Scottish Gaelic, translates to "Frangag". And in Bulgarian, Frank translates to ... get ready ... "Frantsisk". So we got a guy whose name seriously translates to Sisk and gag. What could possibly go wrong???

Hell, Francisco had a worse line than our old Francisco ... Rodriguez, who gave up a run on a hit when Aramis Ramirez lost the baseball on a rundown as he chased David Wright to home plate. Sources say that after the game Frankie "showed Aramis the family room".

Well that was a doozy of a blown save, wasn't it? Even Armando Benitez slow clapped that one for that one.

The parallels have all been pointed out: Francisco, Benitez. Benitez, Francisco. The build, the stare, the strut, the fastball, the blown saves ... all eerily the same between Francisco and Benitez. And you might think that the Mother's Day Meltdown would cement their similarities. I say, it cemented the fact that the two are nothing like each other.

David Wright is hitting .402 ... on May 13th.

I'm not sure I need to say any more today.

But I'll try. Saturday was an "all cylinders win" for the Mets, which is the best way to respond to a heartbreaking defeat. They got good starting pitching from R.A. Dickey, at least until he was plunked by Ricky Nolasco in the fifth, which was fine because it drove in a run ... but damn you Ricky Nolasco! What, were you mad because you were hit in the back by Daniel Murphy? So you go and hit two Mets for no good reason?

Oh, you were just wild? Okay, that's a good reason.

(By the way, I don't bash Tim McCarver for the sake of bashing Tim McCarver. But does he even listen to his broadcast partner? When Dickey got hit, Rich Waltz had said "it looks like he got hit in the right wrist". Then McCarver goes on and says "oh well thankfully he got hit in the left wrist" before looking at the replay and reversing his course. I know he's probably all confused not working with Joe Buck and he probably misses doing autotune with his buddy, but ... the hell! Pay attention! And then when Waltz talks about how the Mets have been playing well lately, McCarver goes and talks about how they should have won in 1988 ... which proved to be an eventual awkward segue to Darryl Strawberry hitting a monster home run in Montreal against now Marlins pitching coach Randy St. Claire. Hey I'm bitter about 1988 too, but stay on the main road, would ya please?!)

(And again, I'm not a habitual McCarver basher, but here's an idea: How about for these regional broadcasts, one local broadcaster from each team work together on FOX, and we do away with national broadcasters. Let's get some real insight about these teams from the guys that know them best. Rich Waltz and Keith Hernandez. Gary Cohen and Tommy Hutton. Hawk Harrelson and ... okay, bad example.)

They also got good enough work from the bullpen, and very promising output up and down the lineup (except, of course, Ike Davis who went 0-for-5 ... which puts him at Interstate 75 which thankfully is a short trip from Skittles Park in Miami). Daniel Murphy had four hits, Lucas Duda went three for six, and everyone else in the lineup except Ike had a hit (even Dickey.) But David Wright is the guy who has been locked in all season, and it didn't hurt that he was hitting .386 going in against Nolasco, and two hits out of three goosed that up against him. Four out of six for the game put him over the .400 mark overall this season. I'm wondering ... just wondering ... if the guy who signs his paychecks still thinks he's not a superstar.

I guess this run of crazy comebacks and exhilirating victories couldn't last forever. Even though there was a comeback from a 3-0 first inning deficit, the victory could not follow as Frank Francisco's blown save gave the Marlins a 6-5 victory. Funny how Heath Bell was the one who was having the off and on relationship with the closers role, yet it was Francisco who proved to be the shaky option.

The comeback in the eighth was pretty supreme, as Edward Mujica gave up three runs in the eighth as Kirk Nieuwenhuis tied the game on a double to right, and then Mike (from Whitestone) Baxter gave us a Wade Boggs looking swing as he drove in two with a double to left center. In retrospect, the failed squeeze play which later became a strikeout by Rob Johnson was a main difference between a loss and a win. The other one being Ike Davis' error to put Jose Reyes on first in the bottom of the eighth (Davis' errors now coming at an alarming rate for an above average first baseman) before he was driven in by Omar Infante's double, as Infante never misses a chance to kill the Mets. This made the score 5-4.

Giancarlo Stanton hit a groundball past Ronny Cedeno to lead off the ninth, and the damn thing rolled all the way to the wall. It was as impressive and as hard hit as any home run as he'll ever hit. This was a ground ball base hit that made it to the wall in about five seconds and as a result, Stanton wound up on second base. (Crap that ball was hit hard.) I guess it speaks well to Frank Francisco's velocity, if you're into bright sides and all that, and if you believe that 95 mph fastballs come back just as hard. He was driven in by Emilio Bonifacio from third on a base hit with the infield drawn in to tie the game for the Marlins. And I know this shouldn't bother me, but what was with Bonifacio raising his finger after hitting that ball like he had won the game? Dude, you only tied it. And I could care less about celebrations. Hanley Ramirez acted like a damn fool jumping on Greg Dobbs' back after he drove in Bonifacio to defeat the Mets, and the Marlins celebrated as if it was a little more than a regular season win. But hell, if you don't like it then don't give up a hit to Greg F'n Dobbs to lose the game.

But a raised finger on a tie game? It's the kind of thing that would provoke Larry Andersen to want to put on in your neck. The bigger regret is that the Mets couldn't do more to keep this from happening.

I'm all for throwing cold water on you guys when you get excited prematurely. There are some that seem to think they give out banners and print t-shirts for being five games over .500. Being five games over that mark now doesn't mean they're going to make the playoffs, nor does it mean they're going to completely fall apart just because it's the ninth of May. There are 162 games in a season for a reason, and however good or bad the New York Mets are, 162 games will bear that fruit, whether it be juicy and flavorful, or rotten with a distinct odor of Joaquin Arias. Remember, you are what your record says you are.

It started out as a clash of styles. Joe Blanton likes chicken wings (or used to like them, as it looks like he's dropped a few). Miguel Batista is a poet. This made Tuesday's Mets/Phillies matchup into your classic Emily Dickinson vs. Larry the Cable Guy battle. But in the first two innings, this was the only poetry Batista was writing:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I gave up four runs
Umm, what rhymes with blue? 

And once again, for the second night in a row after some bad pitching and some shoddy Mets defense, you'd be forgiven if you thought that maybe this wouldn't be their night. Espeicially when you consider that even though Batista held down the fort after that (he has experience with forts as he fought in the Civil War ... that's an age joke), every Mets rally in the next few innings would fall just short. So perhaps Monday's wild finish would have been magic enough for one series. I still say it was, because I'm not sure you could call what happened in the seventh inning on Tuesday "magic". Sure, you had another two out rally by the likes of Andres Torres, Kirk Nieuwenhuis, and David Wright whose base hits brought the Mets to within a run at 4-3. But then the Phillies decided to become the PhiLOLies and botch up a rundown which never should have happened in the first place because Wright had wandered too far off the base. Thankfully Pete Orr was around to save the day ... for the Mets ... and throw the ball into left field to allow Nieuwenhuis to score the tying run from third. Never had an ugly play been so ... poetic.

(Of course Philadelphia's first clue that this game was about to go horribly wrong was when they brought in Chad Qualls ... because that never works.)

The ugliness set the tone for the rest of the game: Lucas Duda gave the Mets the lead with a base hit (off a lefty, no less!) David Wright makes a sweet diving stop in the bottom of the frame to rob Hunter Pence of a hit, and the Mets score a couple of runs to win this one 7-4 and send the Phillies further in the abyss. This game was definitely less poetry and more cable guy hijinks. But as long as the Mets win those type of games (and the Phillies lose them so we can laugh at them), I'm cool with it. As long as the Mets ... (c'mon, you know this is coming) ... get 'er done.

(I feel dirty. But that's some poetry right there.)

You'd be forgiven if you had made this game an afterthought after five innings. You'd even be forgiven if you made this game an afterthought after the anthem. Doc Halladay had been 7-for-7 against the Mets all time, and none of these were of the "wins is an overrated stat" variety. Doc has dominated the Mets. I, perhaps like you, was thinking that maybe Halladay would finish off the Mets in an hour and a half so another local area sports team could get the stage all to themselves. And when he spent the first five innings giving up only one hit, I had pretty much written tonight's entry in my head: Doc Halladay is an exceptional pitcher. The end.

However ...

The bounce can be defined in one of two ways. First, there's the bounce back that the Mets are experiencing after losing three straight to the Astros and four overall by beating the Diamondbacks twice in two weekend games. The top guns in the rotation got it done with Johan Santana on Saturday, and R.A. Dickey on Sunday with eight innings of shutout baseball. He wanted nine, but couldn't get a batter out in the ninth (of course after Gary Cohen had mentioned that no Mets started had gotten a batter out in the ninth all season ... dammit.) Maybe that's why R.A. was so pissed that he threw the resin bag down after giving up his first run in the ninth on two hits. (But hey, if you knew you were turning it over to that bullpen, you'd be pissed too. Thankfully, it worked out.)

Or, you can define the bounce as the bounce that Ruben Tejada's special parts took off first base after his quad gave out running to first base. Ouch, and ouch. At least this was an in-game injury and not suffered shagging flies, jumping on trampolines, or carrying boxes up a flight of stairs. But let this be a lesson to you kids out there: Always wear your cup. Tejada might hit the DL because of this which would take a .300 hitter out of the lineup. Luckily, the Mets have more where he came from. But his defense, which has been surprisingly angst free for the most part except for a certain pop-up which shall remain harmless, woul be missed. Thankfully, Jordany Valdespin has a little experience at shortstop and will probably take over unless Ronny Cedeno can rush back. And how sad is your life when the next couple of weeks will be spent pining over the early return of Ronny Cedeno as if you were on line for Bieber tickets.

Luckily the rest of the division is having mental issues. Larry Jones is threatening to kick Jamie Moyer's ancient ass, and Cole Hamels is drilling teenagers on purpose. Everybody has become unhinged, and maybe they'll all kill each other. That scenario can only benefit the Mets. What will definitely benefit the Mets in a small way is the suspension that Hamels will get for admitting that he drilled Harper. As you know, Hamels is the arbiter of the way major leaguers should act ... has been ever since he was a mere lad of 23 when he was telling us how veterans should act. Now he's teaching us that rookies should be hit with pitches because that's the way they did it in the 50's. Pretty boy wants to be the new Drysdale, but Drysdale never appeared in an ad for condominiums wearing a white tuxedo. (He also never wished for a season to end while playing in the World Series.) So stop it. And enjoy your suspension, dirtbag.

And to hell with Bryce Harper too. Because he's going to hit 55 home runs against the Mets in his career if he doesn't do it during a weekend series in May. So let's get that out of the way now. Because the moment I praise Harper for stealing home against Hamels, he's going to turn into the next great Mets Supervillain. So eat it, Harper.

But good on Jordan Zimmermann for throwing back at Hamels. Not at the Phillies' best player in their lineup, not at their rookie ... he threw at the prick who did the deed. That's how it should've been done with Matt Cain (not because he hit David Wright by accident, but for that cap tip nonsense ... when will the Mets ever learn?)